Doing a blog, really doing anything, on a consistent basis is HARD work. It takes discipline. It takes commitment. It takes perseverance.
When I do post to Climb the Buddha, I enjoy it. I wish I did it more often. The process of spending some time in thought and putting those thoughts into words, on a page or a screen, is, I think, refreshing. There is a much deeper feeling and emotion that comes from connecting your thoughts to words and seeing those words on the screen. In some cases, like when I wrote about when my grandmothers died here, I relived all the emotion that I felt at the time of their deaths.
Also, I think reflection and then flushing the brain of everything that is pilling up in there helps clear the way for new thoughts to grow and develop. Without the occasional flushing, I visually imagine a big pile of sludge slopping around in the space between my ears.
Unfortunately, it hasn’t become a habit for me yet. There are times when I’ll be motivated by a particular subject and I just need to get it out. But recently, that hasn’t been happening on a regular basis, or really at all. The issues and the thoughts have continued to swirl in my head – having something to say hasn’t been the problem. Taking a step back from all the to and fro of the day to spend some time writing, that’s where I’ve fallen short.
I’d be lying if I said it’s all just because I am SO busy all the time. That is bullshit. We find time for what is important to us. And as much as I enjoy the writing process and how I feel after I complete a post – I just haven’t made it a priority. For awhile.
Part of that, maybe, is that I really only do this for myself. I don’t write for a living. I don’t have a deadline to meet or an editor standing over my shoulder demanding that I finish so they can “go to post.” No one reads this blog – not even my mother – so its not like I have a hungry public dying to hear my latest bits of wisdom and insight.
No – there is REALLY only one person who cares what I have to say here. And that is me. (I know that some friends, maybe as an act of mercy, have subscribed to get a blog feed whenever I do manage to post something. I’m not trying to diminish their interest or support. But I’m pretty sure they are not running to the email every morning, hoping against hope, that maybe JUST MAYBE, this will be the day that the long awaited next posting from Climb the Buddha arrives in the inbox. And I’m okay with that. Because like I said, I really only do this for myself, and not for anyone else).
And recently, for whatever reason, I haven’t felt the urge to do this for myself. I’m not quite sure why.
But I’m going to try to get back into a little more regular habit with this. I’m not making any promises – to myself really, since I’m pretty sure no one else gives a rat’s ass – but I’d like to try, at a minimum and we’ll see where it goes from there.